


And I Loved Him

by hades_bitch



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst and Feels, Blame Lana Del Rey, I Made Myself Cry, M/M, Post-Relationship, Pre-Relationship, Sad Ending, Sadder than I thought, Song fic, did i say sad already?, first fic, get ready to hurt, im not sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:28:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23492464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hades_bitch/pseuds/hades_bitch
Summary: "I always got the sense that he became torn between being a good person and, missing- out on all on the opportunities that life could offer a man as magnificent as him."'And in that way, I understood him, and I loved him'
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka
Comments: 9
Kudos: 28





	And I Loved Him

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic ever that will see the light of day. It's also my birthday. I'm the big 20 now, hahaha...  
> I was going to wait to post this in the morning, but I couldn't wait. This was inspired by the song 'National Anthem' by Lana Del Rey. I hope you have some tissue with you, cause you'll need it.  
> Big thanks to stupidbagers for looking this over.
> 
> 'this denotes song lyrics.'
> 
> I don't own any of these characters or the song.

_'And I remember when I met him, it was so clear he was the only one for me.'_

~~~~

"Kakashi-sensei, I can't accept this report, please redo it correctly," Iruka says with a smile placing the torn, doodle drawn, mud encased _thing_ , on top of the table.

"Ah sorry about that Iruka-sensei, I was in a rush to get back home. Long mission and I miss someon… things about Konoha." Kakashi slouches further into himself, scratching the back of his head.

Iruka glances him up and down, looking for any injuries, but finding just exhaustion and classic chakra drain; he gives in.

"I understand Kakashi-sensei, just this once I will rewrite it for you. Go home and get some rest." The scroll, placed on the ground next to Iruka's feet.

Kakashi turns to leave the mission room, wiping out his little orange book from nowhere, Iruka speaks out, "Wait Kakashi-san." he stops to look back at him.

"Welcome home."

Iruka says with his biggest smile, eyes closed, teeth showing. Kakashi visibly loosens up his frame, and does his eye smile, walking away to relax back at Iruka's place, waiting for his shift to be over.

~~~~

_'We both knew it right away. And as the years went on, things got more difficult, we were faced with more challenges.'_

"Those _children_ are not ready for this, and you know it!" 

Kakashi just stares down at him, face blank, emotions sealed up."Who knows, maybe a little death will be just right for them." That condescending _,_ eye smile pointed at Iruka. 

"You don't know them like-"

"Iruka-sensei, they are no longer your students. They are my soldiers now. Under my command." Kakashi cuts sharply in front of him, like cold broken kunai. 

In front of everybody.

~~~~

_'I begged him to stay._

_Try to remember what we had in the beginning.'_

"Please… don't go.." voice wobbly, tears pooling in Iruka's eyes. He clutched onto Kakashi's arm, forcing him to stop from walking out that door. The door that will end it all. Keep them from _being._ Kakashi let him grab at him, both knowing he could get out of it if he genuinely wanted to.

"The Hokage has summoned me Iruka, I must go... you know this" Kakashi whispers, neck tense as he doesn't look Iruka in the face. He shouldn't see his pain. How it's also breaking him.

"TO HELL WITH THE HOKAGE! Do you know what will happen to you if you take this mission? Alone?" Not giving a chance for Kakashi to explain or stop him, Iruka whispers,

"You will die. You won't come back, can't come back… you'll leave me all alone. "

By now, Iruka can't see Kakashi anymore with the amount of fat, wet tears rolling down his face, all while still clutching his arm. Kakashi turns to grab his hand and pulls him in a tight hug, head nestled in his neck, breathing his scent for the last time. "I know. But I have to do this, no one else can." Iruka, now sobbing into his shoulder, hugging him tighter after each word said.

"I love you Iruka, never forget that." Kakashi kisses him, bittersweet, _knowing_ it would be his last, leaves a small press at his temple, and walks out the door.

Kakashi doesn't see when Iruka collapses the moment the door shuts.

~~~~

_'He was charismatic, magnetic, electric and everybody knew it. When he walked in every woman's head turned. Everybody stood up to talk to him. He was like this hybrid, this mix, of a man who.. couldn't contain himself.'_

"Hey, Kakashi's here!" Everybody in the bar turned their heads to look, especially the women. Ignoring them all, he walked over to the table with the rest of his friends, each popping off stories to tell him, cause he hasn't seen them in a while. He doesn't listen, his senses trained on the brown hair Chuunin, right next to their table.

They lock eyes, a silent conversation going between them. Both looking at each other up and down, the Chuunin glancing at the bathroom. A nod was given.

"Sorry guys, I forgot to use the bathroom before getting here, I'll be back," the silver hair says, walking away disappearing.

"They really think they're so smooth. They're so in love it's almost gross. Almost" Kurenai sighs, shaking her head. "He could've at least waited, can't even contain himself." 

Kakashi doesn't come back.

~~~~

_I always got the sense that he became torn between being a good person and, missing- out on all on the opportunities that life could offer a man as magnificent as him._

_'And in that way, I understood him, and I loved him.'_

Months later, after Kakashi left for that mission, Iruka gets a knock at his door.

It's the Hokage. 

She's alone.

He lets her in and makes them tea, both settling down in the living room on the couch.

She says nothing, knowing that saying anything, couldn't help. Tsunade knows she is the last person Iruka wants to see. Tea cold, she slips two items out from inside her sleeve; a manilla envelope and a hitai-ate, placing both on the table

_'I loved him'_

She stays with the facts. "His funeral will be in a week. I've removed you from work and the mission desk for the time being. This is his last will; he wanted it to be open by only you… I'm sorry for your los-"

"Get out," Iruka says blankly, just staring at the dull shine of the headband.

Tsunade gets up and leaves, giving him time and space to heal, but she'll doubt he'll ever do that. A familiar, faint pang goes through her chest, making her mouth dry. She needs a drink.

_'I loved him.'_

Iruka doesn't know how long he sits there, thinking of nothing and everything at the same time. Everywhere he glances, reminds him of Kakashi. The bookshelf, with his collection of Icha Icha, taking up a shelf. The stain on the carpet where Kakashi spilled paint while trying to fix the hole in the wall. He glances back to the envelope and hitai-ate. The metal is muted, but not a scratch on it. It was his sensei's, after all.

_'I loved him'_

Picking up the envelope, he opens it. Falls out are papers and a...ring, falling to rest on top of his legs.

A ring. 

A ring. 

A ring. 

A ring.

"You were supposed to marry me. To grow old together. Watch Naruto become Hokage." He picks up the ring clenching it in his fist, jaw tight with tension, arm winded up to throw it, but he can't. This is all he has left of Kakashi. A ring and a piece of metal with cloth through it. "Why'd you have to go and fall in love with me?" 

Iruka curls into himself, holding a headband and a ring that his lover left for him, finally breaking apart.

_'And I still love him; I love him.'_

**Author's Note:**

> I hoped you cried as much as I did.  
> I'm not sorry  
> Listen to the end of the song and read it again, it'll feel worse :')


End file.
